It wasnt a dream

(this image was the best I could find, i dont care if it looks emo everything else looked like shit)
So...maybe another crack at the blog WAS a bad idea.....

Since its the internet I will have to be delicate for anonymity sake of those who I know would not like to be mentioned by name.

I got upset last night, and it led into something bad. A person I talk to was...depressed? upset? I don't know, but when I see someone like that....I want help, it feels more like I need to.

Things I learned last night #1
Helping.....wasn't a good idea.

They got angry and told me to leave, which started the mental abuse towards myself of taunting things like 'See what you did, idiot? You made things worse. Way to fucking go.'

Yeah, its a little....disturbing but its kind of like my just desserts when I do something wrong.

Well, in response to his attitude I decided I had to put his foot down, stop being Miss So-Sweet-It-Makes-You-Puke and try to smack them into reality

Things I learned last night #2
Don't smack friends....they usually don't respond well afterward (scratch that, AT ALL)

I said some nasty things and also said that if they didn't want to talk to me that they can walk away, but I wont. (I'm a bit too prideful to walk away)

All I wanted was to know they read it.

Things I learned last night#3
I'm walking alone apparently

Maybe it is just their style. Rarely anything that I would send would get a reply of I got it, or answer anything that was in it. I'm not mad, its just something I noticed.

The dream after hurt a bit more:

So apparently I moved into my Aunts old apartment, which Ive wanted since i was a child.

The situation was still there, and they were still mad at me. I had prepared this large dinner to try and reconcile. A few family members came over. Overhead in the upstairs apartment (or an attic as portrayed in this dream) The sounds of various video games could be heard. When called for another time, the sound stopped and three pairs of feet began to move to come downstairs.

At that point, knowing I did something wrong, went into the bathroom (A place I usually hide in)

I could hear the new voices in the dining room
"No, I don't even like her! She has issues OK? So shut up"

At that point, my mental tormentor appeared, like an evil fair godmother while the footsteps died off and the loud sounds returned.
It looked exactly like me, but from an alternate universe almost. Short black hair, make up, and souless eyes. She started screaming at me, hitting me, and reminding me of things. I left the bathroom to the eyes of sympathetic people. Smiling, I let them all eat.


I'm use to people hating me, making fun of me, playing with my emotions.

It shouldn't hurt anymore right?

Things I learned last night #4

No one cares, even if you want them to.


p.s I'm sorry I'm not as articulate as you wanted.