Samson makes me kinda sad.....

I feel bad for the way I've treated my friends.

Being away from everyone makes me sad for what I had. I think thats why I would run and hide at school; it had people there. Humans to talk to, who were there for a common reason. I really miss Rachel though. One of the few people I could talk to a base common level. I was angry and pissed her off before she left for Italy because I let my ill thoughted.....THOUGHTS get in the way of seeing. I realize that much more while I listen to Regina Spektor... Ray actually got me into her. I would listen to it at the apartment and etc.

I do hope shes having a fun time. That nothing is getting her spirits down. I saw a program including Florence today and all the shopping and laughed saying 'Shes screwed! I hope she got that harness for Madison'

I hope shes happy, enlightened, and content.


I think I do not like Summer. It reminds me of my lonliness. Its almost crushing, and its my downfall. I will give all that I can as long as I feel accepted and dont have to feel hallow at the end of the day. Its a crude analogy, but on a level, Im alone at home.

My true self is being revealed to others, and I don't know if that has had negative impacts on them... Kinda reminds me why I put my different 'masks' on. To hide who i really am from the world. To be what the world wants.... yes, I realize its an askew way of life and that I shouldn't think it and many would comment "Get a shrink" but.... Thhis is my anonomys wall. I write how I feel and you can read it, Im not forcing you. Its just a way to explain myself when vocals fail....

~alyssa