Waking up from the Dream

I may of done it again.... Set myself up that is.

The letter I was sure was coming came. Academic suspension.....again. Its not that i'm not smart (then again...that might be it exactly) but I hate parts of HVCC with a passion. Teachers, classes. But instead of pulling myself out of the class and risking going part time and dealing with an angry family, I never showed up. Now I pay the price for it. I was set, all set. I will be the biggest dissapointment not only to myself but to anyone who knows me. They all told me, but I didnt listen. This isnt pity...inside im ripping myself apart for the absolute failure I let myself become. There is no one to blame but me, and no one to help me when I fall. But even now, when I know I am in it so deep, do you know what I think about? A friend who needs help and support.

If I lose this internship.... I don't know what I will do. The first time this happened I went into a very deep depression, but I was lucky enough to have friend(s) by my side. After preparing for everything, if what Ive poured my heart and soul into vanishes... I don't know but it wont be pretty. heh, I say that like im threatening to break a chair. Thing is, if my parents find out, they will give up. I will be kicked out, and then a new issue shall arise...rather many will.

I have this awful feeling though that I have to do this alone. So ye of little people whom read this blog, your comments are nice and help me out. However, no matter what you write, the truth will still be there and no amount of kind words can change that I neglected everything, that now I have secrets that could change my life. What will happen when it comes to be Jan 28th and my parents want to drop me off at Disney?

Leo the Lion slips back into his cage, hoping that one day the bars will melt into his freedom.