Last night, after blogging about the shooting star or whatever, I decided to try and get some sleep. I put on my dorkiest music, to assure myself that I am not a normal person but a geek as I always have been since I fully understood what the word meant.
Music of choice?: The soundtrack from the Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (which celebrates it's 10th birthday this week. See? Geek)
So i shut the laptop cover, and lay thinking about the music and its melodious notes. I think about my day. The things I did, who I talked to..Then suddenly the music just fades away and I'm left talking to my own mind, which I'm sure isn't suppose to happen.
I flinch involuntarily, and the music reaches my ears again. I open the top to see the track, see who is left on Gchat and shut it again, replacing my message from my geeky one, to my normal sleep message:
"Sleep...it alludes me" Which half of the time, it does.
So I think again. Which, if I was smart, would realize that thinking causes most of my problems.
As much as I had tried last night, my thoughts all went to one thing, one conversation today. My mind gave more reviews of play by play than a washed up ESPN Sportscaster.
Then the images started to form, unsure if it was a dream or a mental memory, I let my head begin its favorite pass time: What if Fantasies.
Sad yes, but its always something else to think 'What if JFK didn't get shot?' and etc
Last night, it was especially cruel. What if I was talking face to face? With whom? You don't need to know. Anyway, you are likely already guessing who so I needn't say their name.
....And now I hesitate to type..
Maybe because I am afraid it wasn't a dream. I don't remember all of it, just feelings, many indescribable, and certain images and key words of conversation.
It was a public area, with a help desk in front, and lots of light pouring in from the back wall. I was the only one who saw it though. When I asked the person I was talking to, they were silent for a bit. When their attention was finally grasped they said it was dark, pitch black in fact. I asked if this was a Lucid dream, where en point they turned and asked the question back.
It was like a barrier was crossed. I have never had a Lucid dream before, and the idea of full control was weird. The conversation continued, but I dont remember the words, only the body language and the fact that this room full of people never noticed us talking.
There was no annoyance, or anger. Just two people talking. It was almost eerie in it's simplicity. i smiled as the conversation continued. I noticed that the conversation partner was looking away slightly but still keeping eye contact. I was puzzled and asked what was wrong. They said nothing. I turned to see what it was they saw and it was as if simply breaking away from the objective threw me out of the dream itself.
I woke up dizzy dazed and confused. I open my laptop again, and it is 5am. I groan put my head down. Frustrated I open my laptop again to see it be 6am. I stared in disbelief. How could I have slept an hour when I knew my head was only down for maybe 5 minuets?!
I decided enough was enough. I put my music back on and tossed onto my other side and slept. No thoughts, no dreams, just sleep to enfold me away from the weird, the creepy, and the fantasies that always fill me with false ideas and hopes it wants to see me fail at.
How am I suppose to even begin to understand a dream like that? i told myself that shit like that had to stop, for everyone's sake.
I'll be around Im still kinda somber thinking about this.
Toodles
~a.f
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