What in this world would make me happy?

The Original Creators of Lolita and 90s Goth, Malice Mizer. They ruled from 92-01 when the drummer died.


I was wondering that after explaining the shit that happened today.

I stay in my room, and avoid them especially when the terror beast is let out of his cage.

My room is a place of peace for me, and I lock my door so the chaos of the world cannot enter unless I want it or want to understand it.

I got angry when Matt's girlfriend of a manatee (yes, I mean it in that way) Said that I called her fat, and that I was no better. To set the record, I called no one fat.....except in that last line, yes I called her fat to the example of a manatee which I'm sure she has no idea what one is because she nor my little brother want to finish their educations. I would of told that to her face but I knew if I went out there, I would of been swinging, then arrested by that whore.

Needless to say I am a bit heated so I will go back to what would make me truly happy.

I want to be alone, but I hate being lonely. Its a double edged sword I know.

I want a person who's passionate, but won't resort to excessive amounts of pressure, especially childish ones, to get their way (Crying and whining are the top two offenses)

I don't think I want sex. After what almost happened with my old b/f and what did happen with my fling.... I don't think I want part of that aspect of life.

People fantasize and fight over part on a body that are so awkward......Ugh I digress.

Sex isn't my thing, end of story. I can't find the right person so I wont beat myself up over it. The barriers seem to be fine, no one objected to them before.

I want a calm home for my calm mind, where I can have witty people come over and discuss interesting things... There is no way in hell I could ever be happy the way I am. I have to escape with like minded people. Im a philosopher, not a better half, not a lesbian, not fat, not a whore, I am who I chose to be, and I choose my mind. I reject your attempts to cattle me into your system. I choose to learn what I feel is necessary for my own survival and mental well being.

Does anyone else feel that way?

email me....let me know I'm not of a last breed.
Toodles...

~a.f