Oh god I am so tired.
My christmas doesn't last one day because I work like hell up to the min that if it were to only occur on one day, I would miss it all. For now I am going to write every thought that comes to my head. Forgive me if it isn't very cohesive.
So right now I am relaxing and listening to my Christmas music. The new stuff isn't very good. I was working with Eric and he bashed the Christmas song that came on the radio, which kind of upset me a bit. He judged it without listening to it at all. Now, I could listen to select Xmas songs because I can begin to take the music, the vocals, and the words and feel them all work as one to give a message. The new music, like I was subjected to when I was working at KB, has no heart to it. They covered a song that once had great meaning so they could peddle a CD and make money.
I guess the message in music is a reason why I adore folk artists like John Denver, which is who I am listening to now. The Peace Carol to be exact. He loved working with the muppets and knew how to embrace their pure essence. It's actually hard for me to explain because I begin to think about it, and my heart swells in the adoration that Denver and Henson had in their work. I look up to those guys when I'm working on my photography or writing and sketching my thoughts because they inspired me to no end.
So. My Christmas.... Well I got little sleep on the 23rd because I thought I was going to have to grab the 6am bus to get to Wilton by 10am. So at 4 I fell asleep. Woke up at 7, and my father actually drove me in. I was 30 min late because the roads were so god awful and people in Clifton Park are disturbed when it comes to driving.
So 11-7 basicly I was at KB and the rest of the evening could not get the sound of the cash register out of my head. Eric was uuber awesome and bought us Pizza, and I made it though the day, even though I was exausted. The store was bare of items. Everything was marked down and basicly gone. I told people who asked me about the companies close that 'We finally got bored after 82 years"
Eric really wanted me to go to a family party with him, but it was Christmas Eve. I really wanted to spend it with my own family. Plus it was my little brothers birthday. He kept sneaking kisses which I liked and didn't like at the same time. I'm just very open right now. I am just trying to keep myself from getting hurt I guess. However, in trying to keep from getting hurt, I guess I could be keeping myself from living as well.
Anyway, I get home and eat the traditional Eve dinner of anchovies in dough, talpia, shrimp, and pasta in a clamari sauce. Hee hee, think im Itallian much?
So Eric walks in while I'm eating, and I did the mist boneheaded thing. Right while im shovling food in my face (because at that point I was VERY hungry), seeing him in my perferial vision startled me and I shot my head up....like half of the pasta sticking out.
>< smoooth.
He said he didnt have a chance to hug me proper and proceeded to hug not only me but katrina, and my nephew Ronan in a huge group hug. I of course got smothered in his ginormous arm.
Watched my little sister on TV singing in Melodies of Christmas. The VCR kept pissing me off because the picture quality was grainy as hell. I stayed up and started cleaning around the tree (which was measured at 12f 6in with a 7ft diameter)
I put up the important ornaments that were left out after the fiasco I mentioned in a prior post. My parents Wedding ball, Mary kates Ballerina and Ballet shoes, and my personal fav, the litte drum I made in art enrichment when I was like 9 out of a tuna can, ribbon and toothpicks.....Sounds like a Magiver Christmas Special waiting to happen.
I was a little peturbed that I couldnt take out my Lionel trains. One thing I always look forward to is my trains. They make my Christmas whole because as a very little girl I remember going to my grandmothers(Rest her) On South Street. My father told me the key to Lionels is to lay on your stomach with your head on the floor and watch the train. I did so,and its effect was so magical that I would pout for years at Christmas when our transformer for the trains vanished with one of the trains. Two years ago, I got fed up, and went online to find a transformer and ended up with a new train and more track and two replica trains of the ones my father lost when his house burned down.
I cleaned upwards until 4am and laid on the floor, falling asleep when my mother walks in and asks me to help her wrap her gifts. Mind you, I told her to wrap weeks ago. I was cranky and a zombie so I think I may of told her off and went to bed hee hee hee.
Next thing I know, my door is being pounded on and Sean is telling me to wake up, its christmas. Sean is my little sisters b/f, and I was ready to rip his head off because they went to bed early....bastards. I go to collect the gifts to hand out when I see Kelly's is missing. I groaned and proceeded out,knowing that If I were to dwell on finding the one, I would never locate it. If I tell myself it's okay, it will show up.
So far I only opened up one or twi gifts because I kept myself busy with giving out my gifts and cooking breakfast and taking another nap. I promised my parents I would attend evening mass with them back in Schenectady. I use to live in Schenectady, a couple blocks from St Johns church. I have some faded memories of living on South Street as a baby. Mind you, we moved to Troy when I was about 6 months or so but I do remember Mom in her red star Pajamas while I was in the hottub with daddy in a rigging of those fisher price swings that look like a plastic butt cast that only allowed the water to submerge my legs and nothing else. My father is an amazing man who made everything look so beautiful. I hope one day to Own that house on South ave. Its beauty is just on levels that no man could ever know. the stairs, the halls, the parlor, the bar, the rooms...just beautiful.
Its surpising that this post is full of hope and love and not of self loathing like my previous ones. I read My friend, Josh's post, and I guess it was a little kicker to maybe share the things in my life that I remember that made my childhood so special. Mind you, im still trying to find out where I went askew into the depressed, self loating creaton I am today.
MMmm, Im so tired its almost funny. Been having fun with my black shaul. Mom keeps trying to take it on me. It was a fluke I even have been wearing it. I found it in my closet and put off wearing it because it didnt go with anything and seemed like it wouldnt be warm enough. I began wearing my festive clothes including a skirt I couldnt resist lol, and its surprisingly warm! So when Im going out Ive often ditched my brown fuzzy coat that goes with my brown hat for this shaul, which has been awesome doubling as a blanket. Only downside is it what I am wearing is not dark, it will shed all over them.
Well, its 2:22 am. I should get some well needed sleep. All day Ive had repeating time, and more amazing. I was walking the dog and the stars were alligned in a huge '7' so I guess running ragged gave me some healing. Not peaceful contenment which I see and feel as mulberry red, but healing with strong laughter and smiles in the face of hard times, which is a baby blue and white in my mental aura classification. Many moods I can pinpoint in color. Perhpas in a later post I will talk about which emotions I feel envoke which colors.
Until then, Merry Christmas
~Alyssa Ann
^__^
2 comments:
I once had to purchase a pair of ballet shoes for my niece, who was desperate to become a ballerina after watching a movie in which a ballerina (wearing Ballet shoes , of course) danced in front of a king and queen and was selected to become a princess.
Well it wasnt real ballet shoes (knew i should of straightened this one out) but very small versions. As children, my sister and I thought we could be anything including ballarinas. I had to stop because my feet would cramp so badly due to lack of arch.
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