Im guilty

more animals

The first Emo cat.... picture composed really well actually. Go figure


So the cough is getting better. Spent alot of last night punching the crap out of my chest to loosen it, which helped big time. Still a bit of a wheeze, but the crap is finally moving. Last night I was ready to go to the hospital, the only thing that kept me breathing was periodic inhaler puffs.

So why am I guilty you may ask. Well because I'm not obeying the wishes of others for one.

Parents wanted me to get a job, but because i was unable to stand let alone take the bus in the rain for an interview, I didn't go. Damn you fever induced delusions!

I didnt know if i was freezing or burnin up last night so I had to sleep sitting up so I would stop coughing so badly.

There is so much heartache, and pain regarding my past here, that I hope moving away will help me finnaly move on with my life. I disobeyed another friends( well I still concider him friend...he likely conciders me stalker now hee hee-Wait...thats not funny when i think about it...)

wish of cease and desist towards his published works.

I seriously wonder why. Ive had friends tell me how little they think of me, show me that they do not like me, and even said that they dont care for me or about me and are against everything that make me who I am...... Jesus Christ, why do I still protect these people and concider them friend (oh btw its no one IRL, but a person ive known)

hmm.... I know once I have decided to be a friend to someone its like I stop at nothing to make them happy, which doesn't work half of the time.

I cant really blame my astological or zodiac signs because its hard to prove that.

Hmm, ill try that. lemme see my attributes in astro and chinese zodiac:

Aug4,1988 7:46am Niskayuna NY

You were born with the Sun in Leo and the Moon in Taurus. The key words of your character are pride, self-determination, strong will, objectivity, and moral dignity.

Hmm. Well yes, I dont back down easily, I have a goal sometimes and I always try to do the right and proper thing. Kind of old school Victorian.

You are one of those individuals who likes to exercise authority, and you have a good deal of dignity. You are generous and magnanimous, and whatever negative characteristics your temperament may have are completely compensated for your warmth and noble outlook.

I must say it "Respect my authoritah!" lol Yes, I take many risks (and fail with many)

Im always trying to be hopeful, blah blah blah lets get to something relevent

Saturn was found in the fourth house at the time of your birth. With this placement you may have the feeling that duties and obligations in your early childhood conflicted with your innermost emotional needs. Consequently, you felt frustrated and misunderstood. This could lead to a sense of fear and distrust in the world that is not conducive to success in human relations and communications.

Thats actually very true. After being hurt so many times, I shut myself away. I stopped trusting people.

Chinese Earth Dragon

If you make friends with the Earth Dragon, you have a friend for life! Friendship is a big-time commitment which they show through uncommon kindness, caring, and giving spirit.

Oh....wow that kinda answers my question

Like most Dragons, those of the Earth don't like to rush Love. They like doing what comes naturally, steady rhythm, beginning from friendship and igniting into the exhilaration of falling in love when it's time. Earth Dragons want long-lasting relationships, not tumbling tumble weeds.

Oh....hmm yeah that makes alot of sense too. It really makes sense after what happened with my last 'relationship'

Then perhaps I defend my friends and matintain them as friends long after they reject me because it took a long time for me to trust them (with some yes with others no) and after that, a friend is a friend no matter what, I cant change that. If they ever need me im there.


I just wonder if they know it. I will try harder to keep my word and obey the wishes that were asked of me. It is rude to go against like I have.


~toodles

a.f